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  #151  
Old 25-02-2009, 13:34
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Jan Steer Jan Steer is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Many thanks Baz, Francis, Vivian et al for all your kind comments. Any more praise and I shan't be able to get my head through the escape hatch!!! LOL

Warm regards
Jan
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  #152  
Old 25-02-2009, 14:00
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Francis Stanley View Post
Nice lady!
Hi Francis,
I've just had a dam good laugh over that one, brilliant, it's made my day. Any more of the same?

Baz.
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  #153  
Old 25-02-2009, 14:20
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Greetings shipmates,
Here's another one from my ditty box.

A man and his wife went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for 5,000, or you can have her buried here in the holy land for 150. The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "why would you spend 5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and you would only spend 150. The man replied, "long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that risk".

Hope you liked it. Baz
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  #154  
Old 25-02-2009, 19:01
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Good evening shipmates,

MY JENNY WREN BRIDE

I've just come from a wedding
Oh Lord I could laugh 'till I cried'
I'll never forget the relations I met
When I married my jenny Wren bride.

Her father, he works in the Dockyard
Her brother he owns a marine store
And as for their habits, we'll talk about Rabbits,
they've got half the Dockyard ashore

I asked her old man for a dowry
He gave me a can of soft soap
A bundle of waste, some polishing paste
And fifty six fathoms of rope

The present we got from her brother
Was twenty four yards of blue jean
His cousin, the crusher, sent us some paper
Six packets of service latrine

Her family hung flags in the Churchyard
And they painted the hallway with 'flatting'
When out stepped the bride they all piped the side
And she tripped on the coconut matting

Her Wedding dress was tied up with yarn
'Twas made from an old whaler sail
On top of her head, a dish cloth was spread
And a spud net was used for a veil

Her petticoat was made of hessian
Her knickers were made of green baize
While for her suspenders she'd a boat fender
And two Pussers ropes for stays

Now most of the Church congregation
Was made up of men on the dole
While in the back pew, sat the duty boats crew
And most of the standing patrol

The Parson in the pulpit said
"Who giveth this woman away
A bloke from the Hood said "blimey I could".
But let every dog have it's day

Well now I'm off on my honeymoon
I don't know what happens tonight
But i've spoke to a few who declare they do
And they swear she's a bit of alright.

Poet unknown

Baz.
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  #155  
Old 25-02-2009, 20:20
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

you Noticed To


well Done ....you Two
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  #156  
Old 25-02-2009, 20:57
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

One more for you today,

THE VICTORY DAY PARADE

As you watch the parade go by
Think hard on what it's for
Something that happened, many years ago
The ending of the war.

You're looking at those marching
in Navy, Khaki and Air force Blue
Honouring those, who years ago
Fought for me and you

Look around you at the smiling faces
Then look at those who are sad
Could they be thinking of their lost loved ones
or the time when things were bad.

Are they remembering the miracle of Dunkirk
and the smoke cloud that covered our land
Of the men and woman that came back weary and tired
But still ready, their land to defend.

Our Navy stood between us and the enemy
Whilst our Army began to reform
Our Air force gave protection from above
Against the approaching storm

The Blitz on London was horrendous
Our spirit to kill they tried
But the Londoners stood tall in defiance
As did their flower, just called London Pride.

Try to think what it would be like
if a bomb destroyed your street
You'd be tearing away with bleeding hands
At the rubble under your feet.

There'd be no time to call the rescue squad
There would be lives to be saved, you see
To get stuck in is all you could do
To get those poor souls free.

Whole rows of houses would just disappear
In the morning they would be just piles of rubble
Broken gas pipes and burst water mains
And that was only part of the trouble.

All that could be rescued would
be packed in old shopping bags
Gather up the kids and the old tom cat
And there'd all go round to 'Aunty Mags'

Even then they were not safe there
Buzz Bombs and rockets plagued their lives
But what was it like for our fighting men
Thinking of home, families and wives.

It was commonplace to see a roof
With a tarpaulin draped over it's brow
And a notice where the windows were
Saying "we have not panes, Dear Mother now.

Yes enjoy the day and celebrate
For the price that was paid was high
Look hard at those around you
You might see a tear in some ones eye.

For this is the day that they remembered back
To Arnhem, Burma and Alamein
The holocaust of Europe
And of coming home again.

In those early years we had it bad
But those years of self denial
Taught us to appreciate the simple things of life
And also, "How to Smile"

It was that sense of comradeship
That was with us all through the war
Blood, toil, tears and sweat
Bound us together as never before.

With austerity that lasted long after the war
With everything still on ration
Yes! we had to pay back for a long long time
Even though we were a winning nation.

No one would deny 'Our Winnie'
His place in world history
The greatest leader that ever lived
On this we must agree.

His proudest moment must have been
With the Royal Family he stood and smiled
From the balcony of Buckingham Palace
At the crowd below going wild.

We could'nt have done it without him
He was our sole inspiration
Ordinary words uttered by him
But how they stirred the nation.

Yes, it's good for us to remember
To cheer and to give our thanks
Just think instead of friendly marching feet
It could have been Nazi tanks.

We have a lot to be thankful for
When we look back to those years with their sorrows
Be grateful to those who gave their todays
So that we still have our tomorrows.

S/m Tony Knight

Baz,
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  #157  
Old 25-02-2009, 21:59
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Francis Stanley View Post
A Crazy Conspiracy in Our Time
THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!
We Must Stop This Immediately!
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier and everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumb-founded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up, they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am - a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW -even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is; their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 30 waist as 38 or 40? Do they think no-one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number we see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning:
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer
these awful indignities.

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.

Wait 'til you get to your middle eighties Francis!!
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  #158  
Old 26-02-2009, 09:48
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

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Wait 'til you get to your middle eighties Francis!!
Tackline
Tackline
God willing!
and good luck to those who already are
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  #159  
Old 26-02-2009, 12:24
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Good morning shipmates,

Try this one.

Ivor the vampire bat came flapping in from the night - his face covered in fresh blood - and settled on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and hasseled Ivor to tell them where he got it. He hissed at them to go away and let him get some rest. But they persisted, getting increasingly excited at the prospect of a feast. "OK, follow me," he said, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of his fellow residents behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest. Finally, he slowed down and the other bats milled around him, tongues hanging out expectantly. "Do you see that large tree over there?" he said. "Yes, yes" the bats all screamed, whipping themselves into a frenzy. "Good for you," said Ivor, "cos I bloody well didn't".

Baz.
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  #160  
Old 26-02-2009, 18:59
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Brilliant Baz nearly choked on my tot of Rum


The Stokers lullaby...can the chief ware a nurses outfit whilst he reads it ?

.........some of the lads have been asking................

No pressure...... but your ot water will be turned off tonight if it don't appen !
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  #161  
Old 26-02-2009, 19:53
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by ivorthediver View Post
Brilliant Baz nearly choked on my tot of Rum


The Stokers lullaby...can the chief ware a nurses outfit whilst he reads it ?

.........some of the lads have been asking................

No pressure...... but your ot water will be turned off tonight if it don't appen !
Hello Ivor,
Glad you liked it, but we can't have you choking on your tot?

The Stokers lullabye, the Chief can wear what he likes, whatever turns him on. But I have to say, I cannot find one as yet. So please don't turn my hot water off?

Baz.
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  #162  
Old 26-02-2009, 20:31
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Good evening shipmates,
Here's another one for you.

We always seem to hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the male rules. Not in order of priority.

Men are not mind readers.
Learn to work the toilet seat, you're a big girl now. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports and football - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Lets be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! just say it?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it, that is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor.
Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we mean't the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell how you would like it done, Not both. if you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
If it itches, it will be scratched. Men do that.
If we ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question that you do not want an answer too, please expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine......honestly.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the Grand Prix, the Pub or Golf.
You have enough clothes.
You have to many shoes.
I am in shape, round is a shape!
Lastly, yes, I know those who share these rules with their other halves may have to sleep on the settee tonight, but do you know, men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Baz.
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  #163  
Old 26-02-2009, 20:43
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Many a true word is spoken in gest... but.............." Stercus accidit" as they say
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  #164  
Old 26-02-2009, 20:53
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Just for a giggle,

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up" she purred, "and you can do anything you want". So he tied her up and went Golfing.

A couple are lying in bed and the man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world". The woman replies, "I'll miss you".

Lastly remember to always smile, it keeps everybody guessing.

Baz.
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  #165  
Old 26-02-2009, 21:00
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by ivorthediver View Post
Many a true word is spoken in gest... but.............." Stercus accidit" as they say
Hi Ivor,
I'm a little bit perplexed, "stercus accidit", must be stoker language. Could you explain?

Baz.
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  #166  
Old 26-02-2009, 21:05
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by barry-sheila@tiscali.co.u View Post
Hi Ivor,
I'm a little bit perplexed, "stercus accidit", must be stoker language. Could you explain?

Baz.
I think that it is the stuff that all "Bubbles" inhale that makes them talk in under waterese


Perhaps I had better watch what I write now since I have joined the Wardroom.

I hope that I don't run up too big a Wardroom bar bill!!!!!
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  #167  
Old 26-02-2009, 21:26
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hi Baz qpr

Have you forgotton your latin already
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  #168  
Old 26-02-2009, 21:33
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

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Hi Baz qpr

Have you forgotton your latin already
The only Latin that I know is my signatue
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  #169  
Old 27-02-2009, 06:01
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by qprdave View Post
I think that it is the stuff that all "Bubbles" inhale that makes them talk in under waterese


Perhaps I had better watch what I write now since I have joined the Wardroom.

I hope that I don't run up too big a Wardroom bar bill!!!!!

Well I don't know..it would seem that the Navy is lowering its standerds

except with us STOKERS

Stercus accidit.................#### happens
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  #170  
Old 27-02-2009, 13:24
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hello Ivor,

Semper Fi.

Baz.
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  #171  
Old 27-02-2009, 13:31
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Shipmates,
Here's another one for you.

As I put my four year old son to bed, I leaned over him and said, "Can I tell you something" "What Daddy?" "I love you" He smiled up at me as I turned to leave, but his little voice called me back, "Daddy". Here it is I thought, one of those precious moments, "Can I tell you something" he asked. "You've got snotters up your nose".

Baz.
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  #172  
Old 27-02-2009, 13:40
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Shipmates,
And another one.

There are people who have green fingers. And then there's me - I'm absolutely hopeless at nurturing any type of plant. I did'nt think anybody else had noticed until the day my sister visited. "I found this in the garden," she said, handing me a potted plant as she came through the front door, "I think the wind blew it off the balcony". "It wasn't the wind". My wife joked. "It jumped".

Baz.
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  #173  
Old 27-02-2009, 15:54
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

i know i've posted this before in treads about Tribals etc. but in this thread it bears another airing; this was written by that most popular of scribes "A. Non" and covers the nightly running destroyer battles in the Channel and Western Approaches that were Operation Tunnel, collectively. It hung in the wardroom of Ashanti during the period so possibly it was one of them that penned it.
A little piece of history..
tim

PS. Not all of the ships in the 10th DF were actually Tribals but most were, their heavier gunnery fit made them highly suitable for this style of forray.
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File Type: jpg 10th DF dirge 1.jpg (277.0 KB, 45 views)
File Type: jpg 10th DF dirge 2.jpg (321.4 KB, 39 views)
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  #174  
Old 27-02-2009, 16:01
tim lewin tim lewin is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

G51 as in the drawing is Ashanti; note the figures around the borders all representing the names of the ships.
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  #175  
Old 27-02-2009, 18:32
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hello Tim,
Thank you for your input to this thread. It's absolutely brilliant, I have made a copy of same.

Baz.
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