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  #126  
Old 23-02-2009, 16:06
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Stan.J Stan.J is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

A tribute to the "Supply" and Secretariat Branch of the Royal Navy.

There`s a Branch you may not notice for their stations are below.
In the cubby holes and lobbies where the sailors do not go.
They were wont to call them "idlers" with a curious sense of fun,
For their watch was never ended and their work was never done.
They were always known as "Daymen" just because they slept at night,
Though they had to get some sleep in, and it didn`t seem quite right.

You can often see them sitting in an office or a den
Filling up strange forms with figures and a stylographic pen,
You can hear their busy fingers clicking far into the night,
Typing reams of flaccid foolscap by an insufficient light,
Taking half a dozen copies with carbon wearing thin,
Or a hundred with a hectographic jelly in a tin.

There are many thousand items in a modern vessel`s stores,
And they issue them by ounces and by hundred weight and scores,
You will see them on a messdeck, having tried the safety catch,
Swinging down a steel runged ladder, through a heavy armoured hatch,
To compartments filled with firebricks, sacks of flour and cotton waste,
Cabin furniture and bedding,frozen fish and potted paste.

If a smoker wants his baccy, If a toper wants his rum.
They produce it from a packing case or draw it from a drum,
If he lacks a feather pillow or a blanket for his bed,
If he needs a new sou`wester or a helmet for his head,
If he needs a black silk necktie or a flannel or a shoe,
He has only got to ask for it and sign a chit or two.

In the Galleys or the kitchens, in the bakeries and stores,
You may find them tending pots and ovens or merely doing chores,
Mincing mutton in a hobart, kneading dough or scrubbing tines,
Stirring cocoa in a cauldron, shaking salmon from a tin,
Cooking tasty meals for officer`s or plainer meals for men,
Six or seven in a galley only eighteen feet by ten.

Deftly setting out the tables for the officers to dine,
Serving tots of gin and bitters, mixing cocktails, bottling wine,
Meditating over menus in conjunction with the cook,
Making out the monthly mess bill, writing up the daily book,
From illegible inscriptions on very sodden chits,
On a guest night staging banquets like a Carlton or a Ritz.
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  #127  
Old 23-02-2009, 16:11
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

And one from some time earlier>>>
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  #128  
Old 23-02-2009, 18:46
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Greeting's Stan,
Oh Boy, three very good ones, brilliant.

Baz.
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  #129  
Old 23-02-2009, 19:00
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Greeting's Shipmates,

Here goes with another one, hope you like it.

At Cape Canaveral, they decided to train two monkey's and an astronaut, following the training they were put into a rocket. Ground control then spoke to the first monkey. "Monkey no 1 do your stuff". The monkey then proceeded to play the controls. When out of earth's atmosphere Control said "Monkey No 2 do your stuff" promptly the monkey plays with the controls and the capsule separates from the rockets. Ground control then said "Astronaut" who immediately replied "Yeah Yeah I know feed the bloody monkey's and don't touch anything.

Baz.
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  #130  
Old 23-02-2009, 20:53
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Okay shipmates, here's another one for your perusal.

SENIOR CITIZENS
Are the nations leading carriers of AIDS!!
Hearing Aids, Band Aids, Roll Aids, Walking Aids, Medical Aids, Government Aids, and most of all Monetary Aids to their children.

THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST
I cannot see, I cannot pee, I cannot chew, I cannot screw.
My memory shrinks, my hearing stinks, no sense of smell, I look like hell.
My bodies drooping, got trouble pooping.
SO THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST?
Well the golden years can.........................................!!

Baz.
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  #131  
Old 23-02-2009, 22:08
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

With old age comes skill,
It's called multitasking
You can laugh,cough,sneeze,fart and piss,
All at the same time.
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  #132  
Old 23-02-2009, 22:16
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Try this one...
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  #133  
Old 24-02-2009, 10:16
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Greeting's Stan,
Another good one. Brilliant. Keep 'em coming.

Baz.
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  #134  
Old 24-02-2009, 10:34
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

And another one,

Exercise for seniors and others.
I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on. The article suggested doing it three times a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10lb potato sacks, then 50lb potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift 100lb potato sacks in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

Baz.
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  #135  
Old 24-02-2009, 10:44
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Shipmates,

"Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully" the divorce court judge said, "and I have decided to give your wife 775.00 a week". "Thats very fair, your honour", the husband said, "and every now and again I'll try to send her a few quid myself".

Baz.
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  #136  
Old 24-02-2009, 11:54
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hello shipmates,
See what you think of this one?

THE SAILORS FAREWELL.
'Twas on a dark and stormy night,
the winter sky was cleft.
A sailor boy stood on the Quay,
with only fourpence left.
His sweetheart standing by his side,
her silent tears she hid.
And whilst he gazed on her with love,
he tapped her for a quid.

Chorus
Good-bye my own true love,
this parting gives me grief.
You'll get this quid again, dear heart,
the day they make me Chief.
I'll ne'er in Malta go ashore
but I'll dream of you with joy.
And you can dream about your quid
and your faithfull sailor boy.

Two weary years went slowly by,
that young and noble tar,
sat down to write a tender note
inside a Maltese bar.
All that I have is thine, my bride,
fond love and ardent hope.
A heart of gold, two pair of socks
and half a bar of soap.

Chorus.

I'm coming back again sweetheart,
across the ocean blue.
That old sweet song will cheer my way.
I'll wait dear love for you, Ah! Yes,
I'll fondly wait for you.
With the same patient joy.
As you'll still wait for your quid note,
Your faithfull sailor boy.

Writer unknown

Baz.
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  #137  
Old 24-02-2009, 12:47
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by TACKLINE View Post
With old age comes skill,
It's called multitasking
You can laugh,cough,sneeze,fart and piss,
All at the same time.
Hello shipmate,
I can relate to that one, very good. Anymore of same?

Baz.
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  #138  
Old 24-02-2009, 18:44
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Very good... I don't know where you find these Baz ?
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  #139  
Old 24-02-2009, 19:10
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by ivorthediver View Post
Very good... I don't know where you find these Baz ?
Greetings Ivor,
As I have said before, I've been collecting them for years, it's time I shared them?
I'm still looking for a lullabye.
Many thanks Ivor.

Baz.
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  #140  
Old 24-02-2009, 19:43
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hello shipmates,
One more for you,

THE JERVIS BAY.

'Twas a bleak November evening
With a convoy on it's way
When the lookout spied a raider
From the bridge of the 'Jervis Bay'
Clear the decks for action
As the gallant Captain Fegen
Steered his ship into the affray.

Chorus
Why do I weep, why do I pray?
My loves asleep so far away
He played his part that Autumn day
And now he sleeps in 'Jervis Bay'

'Scatter' he told the convoy
Each ship went a different way
As the 'Scheer' fired her first broadside
At the gallant 'Jervis Bay'
She was only an armed merchant cruiser
Up against a battleship
But she took that noble action
Just to let the convoy slip.

Chorus

Out gunned and out ranged
She steamed towards the prey
Each man stood to his station
On the decks of the 'Jervis Bay'
Shells crashed all about her
As she went to bar the way
To gain time for the convoy
Oh so brave, the 'Jervis Bay'

Chorus

Hopeless were the odds
Men knelt down to pray
The British guns they roared defiant
From the decks of the 'Jervis Bay'
Men everywhere were dying
Battered and half sunk she lay
Yet still shells hit the German
From the guns of the 'Jervis Bay'

Chorus

On the decks lay dead and dying
And for them the fight was done
But as the convoy scattered
Then they knew their battle won
And now the story's over
And for many a long long day
Men will talk of the armed merchant cruiser
That was the 'Jervis Bay'

Why do I weep, why do I pray
My loves asleep, so far away
He played his part that Autumn day
And now he sleeps in 'Jervis Bay'.

A tribute to Captain Fegen VC.

Baz.
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  #141  
Old 24-02-2009, 19:57
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Very moving BAZ


I have been watching your "Pages" V "Stars" on the Forum and wonder how long it takes to meet in the middle.....I'm only jealous.....


I am beleaguered with requests by all these poor unloved Stokers awaiting "their" lullabye ...talk of a mutiny is afoot beneath decks!


Kind Regards
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  #142  
Old 24-02-2009, 20:15
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Another story for you here guys and gals. This is the last naval themed one I have until I get round to writing some more. I do have more short stories though so if anyone knows anybody in publishing .........
Anyway this one is called, "The Talking Cure". Hope you enjoy it.
regards
Jan
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  #143  
Old 24-02-2009, 20:51
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

BZ
From a Fan!!
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  #144  
Old 25-02-2009, 08:20
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

VMT Francis. Glad you liked it.
Best
Jan
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  #145  
Old 25-02-2009, 09:58
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by TACKLINE View Post
With old age comes skill,
It's called multitasking
You can laugh,cough,sneeze,fart and piss,
All at the same time.
A Crazy Conspiracy in Our Time
THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!
We Must Stop This Immediately!
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier and everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumb-founded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up, they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am - a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW -even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is; their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 30 waist as 38 or 40? Do they think no-one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number we see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning:
WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.
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  #146  
Old 25-02-2009, 10:22
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jan Steer View Post
Another story for you here guys and gals. This is the last naval themed one I have until I get round to writing some more. I do have more short stories though so if anyone knows anybody in publishing .........
Anyway this one is called, "The Talking Cure". Hope you enjoy it.
regards
Jan
Greeting's Jan,
Well, what can one say, That was absolutely brilliant. Your a master story teller. Get publishing pronto?

Baz.
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  #147  
Old 25-02-2009, 10:48
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by barry-sheila@tiscali.co.u View Post
Greeting's Jan,
Well, what can one say, That was absolutely brilliant. Your a master story teller. Get publishing pronto?

Baz.
Greetings Francis,
Another good one. But you know, I have one very similar, which I was going to put on today, I think I will then we can compare them.

CHANGE AND DECAY.
Everything is farther away than it used to be. It is twice as far to the corner and they've added a hill I notice. I've given up running for the bus, it leaves faster than it used to. It seems to me that they are making the steps steeper than in the old days and have you noticed the smaller print they are using in the newspapers? There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud - Everyone speaks in such a low voice that I can barely hear them. And the material in clothes is getting so skimpy especially around the waist and hips. Even people are changing, they are so much younger than they used to be when I was their age. On the other hand people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she had aged so much that she did not recognise me. I got to thinking about the poor thing whilst I was combing my hair this morning, and whilst I was doing that I glanced at my reflection - and do you know what? they don't make mirrors like they used to.

Baz
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  #148  
Old 25-02-2009, 10:50
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Sorry about that Jan, it should have been attached to Francis post.

Baz.
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  #149  
Old 25-02-2009, 11:15
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

And another one for you shipmates,

A young boy went up to his father and asked,"whats the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father ponders for a moment, then answered "go and ask your Mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds and also ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds", then come back and tell me what you've learned. So the boy went to his mother and asked "Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds"? The mother replied, "definitely, I would'nt pass an opportunity like that". The boy then went to his older sister and asked "would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds"? The girl replied "Oh Gosh, I would just love to do that, I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity." The boy then thought about it for a few days, and went back to his father.
His father asked him "did you find the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we're sitting on two million pounds, but realistically we're living with two slappers. The father replied, "thats my boy".

Baz.
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  #150  
Old 25-02-2009, 12:31
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Nice lady!
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