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  #76  
Old 19-02-2009, 14:46
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gunnersmate gunnersmate is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hello Shipmates,
On the previous posts sad outcome, lets see if we can't get a laugh with some words from a Naval Man.

YOUNG MAN IN CONFESSIONAL
Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fanny Green every week for the last month.
The priest tells the sinner, you are forgiven go out and say three Hail Mary's.
Another young man comes in........
Father, It has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fanny Green every week for the last month. The priest tells the sinner, you are forgiven, go out and say three Hail Mary's.
Soon after, yet another man enters the confessional.......
Father, it has been two months since my last confession, I have had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the last two months. This time the priest questions, "Who is Fanny Green" A new woman in the neighbourhood, the sinner replies. Very well says the priest, go out and say ten Hail Mary's.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a gorgeous tall woman enters the sanctuary. All the mens eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is green and very short, with matching emerald green shoes. The priest and the alter boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart. The priest turns to the alter boy and whispered, is that Fanny Green? And the bug eyed alter boy replied, No! I think it's just the reflection off her shoes Father.

Printed in the Bosuns Call No 6 Area.
Baz.
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  #77  
Old 19-02-2009, 18:59
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ivorthediver ivorthediver is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Yes I remember HMS GANGES at shotley but I went there for different reasons

If I remember correctly the Armoury was down a flight of stairs and at the time I saw it....... "well stocked"......and very secure !
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  #78  
Old 19-02-2009, 21:00
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CGRET CGRET is offline
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Post Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Here's one for the old salts,

sailorprayer-003b.jpg

Regards
Charles
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  #79  
Old 19-02-2009, 21:02
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hi Ivor,
I can't really remember the armoury at Ganges? Some years ago now the wife and I were down there on holiday. I drove up to the main gate and a big copper came out to see what I wanted. When I explained who I was, he very kindly told me where to park my car, and the wife and I spent a good two hours there. We stopped out side my old mess (Rodney 11 mess) in the long covered way and I was shocked at the state of it. You could see your face in the polished floor in my time there. There was rubbish strewn everywhere, it was really sad. I think they call it progress? Yuk!
Baz.
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  #80  
Old 19-02-2009, 21:14
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by CGRET View Post
Here's one for the old salts,

Attachment 35518

Regards
Charles
Hi Charles,
Thank you, that one is brilliant. Any more of same?
Baz
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  #81  
Old 19-02-2009, 21:41
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by barry-sheila@tiscali.co.u View Post
Hi Charles,
Thank you, that one is brilliant. Any more of same?
Baz
Good evening Shipmates,
Here's another one you.

MAIDEN VOYAGE
Since we first sailed from Britannia shores
to battle with the sea.
The good ships built by british hands
have made world history.
Upon the highways of the seas
this land has won her fame.
Nelson, Raleigh, Francis Drake
and many a glorius name.
The British ship has proved her worth
before the days of steam.
Our wooden walls now iron and steel
still held, we stand supreme.
And now another name we write
on history's tattered page.
"Queen Mary" Britains floating town,
the wonder of the age.
All who have worked with hands and brain
must feel a glow of pride.
To know they've made this mighty ship,
the "Glory of the Clyde".

Baz
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  #82  
Old 19-02-2009, 22:11
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vivian vivian is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jan Steer View Post
As a sometime writer I've looked through my backlog of yarns for a very short story and hopefully this one, "Personal Injury", fits the bill. Hope you enjoy it.
Hello Jan, I've just read your story "Personal Injury" today and it's really good. I like your style so thanks for sharing your writing with us and I hope to see more.

Just read your sonnet too! You have a talent Jan.

best regards,
Vivian

Last edited by vivian : 19-02-2009 at 22:26. Reason: added ref to sonnet
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  #83  
Old 19-02-2009, 22:33
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Thanks Baz, Jan, Francis, Ken, Robert, Ivor, Charles and company ......I am enjoying the poetry and stories. Well done guys.

regards,
Vivian
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  #84  
Old 20-02-2009, 00:13
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by barry-sheila@tiscali.co.u View Post
Hello Shipmates,
On the previous posts sad outcome, lets see if we can't get a laugh with some words from a Naval Man.

YOUNG MAN IN CONFESSIONAL
Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fanny Green every week for the last month.
The priest tells the sinner, you are forgiven go out and say three Hail Mary's.
Another young man comes in........
Father, It has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fanny Green every week for the last month. The priest tells the sinner, you are forgiven, go out and say three Hail Mary's.
Soon after, yet another man enters the confessional.......
Father, it has been two months since my last confession, I have had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the last two months. This time the priest questions, "Who is Fanny Green" A new woman in the neighbourhood, the sinner replies. Very well says the priest, go out and say ten Hail Mary's.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a gorgeous tall woman enters the sanctuary. All the mens eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is green and very short, with matching emerald green shoes. The priest and the alter boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart. The priest turns to the alter boy and whispered, is that Fanny Green? And the bug eyed alter boy replied, No! I think it's just the reflection off her shoes Father.

Printed in the Bosuns Call No 6 Area.
Baz.
They say there's no new jokes. This one has many variations. The one I've heard has the priest saying that she's from a fine family and there is a delightful and beautiful young brother, a boy that the priest is particularly struck by!

Thanks for that poem on feeling indispensable. I first met that years ago in an American newspaper. I kept the cutting but lost it and have searched fruitlessly for it ever since.

This thread has the wrong title. It should be called something like "Philosopher's Corner"!
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  #85  
Old 20-02-2009, 00:18
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by barry-sheila@tiscali.co.u View Post
Greetings Shipmates,
Here's a few more words you may find interesting?

I the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while every one else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during the meal. To sit in the chair mean't you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man". Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board".

Baz
I'm not happy with this story. I feel the word "man" in chairman means "to man" as in to man the pumps. i.e. to be in control. Which makes a mockery of now calling it "Chairperson".
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  #86  
Old 20-02-2009, 07:56
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Francis Stanley Francis Stanley is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by barry-sheila@tiscali.co.u View Post
Hi Francis,
I too have been into that site, and like you found it very sad indeed.
Everything now seems to have been flattened. The Annexe has already been built on. And I think it wont be long before it's all built on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it was said that who ever owned the site was to look after the mast?
Baz.
I beleive it is supposed to be a listed Item but the developers have not done any thing to preserve it, I wonder if they hope it will fall down so they wont have to bother with it
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  #87  
Old 20-02-2009, 08:18
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Jan Steer Jan Steer is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Thankyou very much Vivian. Its kind of you to take the time to comment. I will search out some more and get writing too!
regards
Jan
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  #88  
Old 20-02-2009, 08:55
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Francis Stanley Francis Stanley is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

An Australian , an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.

After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.'
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  #89  
Old 20-02-2009, 09:23
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Francis Stanley Francis Stanley is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Jan
Excellent!
I will say it again, you have a marvellous talent you should definately publish these.

Kind regards
Francis
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  #90  
Old 20-02-2009, 10:19
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

VMT Francis
(Wow! Look mum, I've got a fan!!)
regards
Jan
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  #91  
Old 20-02-2009, 12:31
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Hello Jan,
My compliments also, it was brilliant. You should publish. Let me know when you do?
Good luck mate.
Baz.
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  #92  
Old 20-02-2009, 12:36
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gunnersmate gunnersmate is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Francis Stanley View Post
An Australian , an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.

After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.'
Hi Francis,
Thats a good one mate, I had a bit of a giggle over that one. Thanks very much, another one for my collection.
Baz.
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  #93  
Old 20-02-2009, 12:42
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

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Originally Posted by Francis Stanley View Post
I beleive it is supposed to be a listed Item but the developers have not done any thing to preserve it, I wonder if they hope it will fall down so they wont have to bother with it
Hi Francis,
I think you have hit the nail on the head, but what can we do? It's a land mark for miles around, and would be greatly missed.
Baz
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  #94  
Old 20-02-2009, 12:59
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Good morning Herakles,
I don't profess to be a philosopher, but judging by the interest that is shown in this thread........I take your point.
Glad you liked "there is no indispensable man" I think everybody can take something from this thread.
It's been Chairman for years, why change now?
Baz.
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  #95  
Old 20-02-2009, 13:25
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Jan Steer Jan Steer is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Tks Baz, your comment is very much appreciated.
regards
Jan
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  #96  
Old 20-02-2009, 13:47
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Greeting's shipmates,
Another one for you to peruse.

THE OLD WAYS.
Sing me a song of the old ways,
tell me a tale of the past.
Of the time when Britain was mighty
and everyone thought it would last.

When men raised there hats to the ladies
and the ladies wore dresses and skirts.
And the children respected their elders
or received a sharp tap where it hurts.

When lovers were pleased to get married
and made do with the little they had.
Kept out of debt and were happy
and the young ones knew their own Dad.

When parents showed by example,
the ways and means to get by.
Through hard work and honest endeavour
and today these rules still apply.

Tell me a tale of the schoolroom,
when teachers were strict and upright
Where discipline ruled and we knew it,
but we all learned to read and to write.

Where they taught us the value of friendship
and to get stuck in with a grin.
An Esprit-De-Corps that was solid,
working together to win.

We listened and learned when they told us
that nothing was gained by a cheat.
Played hard by the rules and we triumphed
and stood on our own two feet.

So sing me a song of the old ways,
in pride in the land of our birth.
And tell all the world of this Britain,
the noblest place on Gods earth.

First heard on BBC Wiltshire.
And submitted for publication in the Bosuns Call.
By the Scribe of Swindon Branch RNA Ted Brown.
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  #97  
Old 20-02-2009, 14:08
doug.birch doug.birch is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

This is a ditty that I had written to the staff of the CSIRO on my retirement in 1987. I served under 4 chiefs and in the verse I descibed them as Captains
A Sailors Lament
In days of yore when nights were long
I served aboard a lugger
There was Captain Bligh then Captain Queege
He was quite a slugger
Then Captain Stubbing of that love boat fame
The man that all admired
So did I until that day he ask me to retire
Of bulldog breedIwould succeed
With Nelson,s blood (pressure)flowing in my veins
I will do my time and play their games
With protest banner flying up on high
I guess my time is drawing nigh
So I puts in my chitty for STO for to aspire
Instead was told its time to retire
Russian convoys and cruel seas could not compare
With that cold and icy stare
Then Captain Kirk of Enterprise fame rescured me
From the perils of the sea
Then I was inspired and was made to think
For the walls had turned to pink
By then I knew that my time had expired
Now it was time to be retired
They got at me, having reached that golden age
I had to go without my wage
Though, no matter how load I shout and hollar
I pawned my watch to fetch a dollar
When cooks to the galley, bugle calls to me
I will think you at morning tea
Whilst I am in the galley maybe having fun
You will all be there having none
Doug.Birch
The Ancient Mariner

Last edited by doug.birch : 20-02-2009 at 22:34.
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  #98  
Old 20-02-2009, 14:42
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gunnersmate gunnersmate is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Quote:
Originally Posted by doug.birch View Post
This is a ditty that I had written to the staff of the CSIRO on my retirement in 1987. I served under 4 chiefs and in the verse I descibed them as Captains
A Sailors Lament
In days of yore when nights were long
I served aboard a lugger
There was Captain Bligh then Captain Queege
He was quite a slugger
Then Captain Stubbing of that love boat fame
The man that all admired
So did I until that he ask me to retire
Of bulldog breedIwould succeed
With Nelson,s blood (pressure)flowing in my veins
I will do my time and play their games
With protest banner flying up on high
I guess my time is drawing nigh
So I puts in my chitty for STO for to aspire
Instead was told its time to retire
Russian convoys and cruel seas could not compare
With that cold and icy stare
Then Captain Kirk of Enterprise fame rescured me
From the perils of the sea
Then I was inspired and was made to think
For the walls had turned to pink
By then I knew that my time had expired
Now it was time to be retired
They got at me, having reached that golden age
I had to go without my wage
Though, no matter how load I shout and hollar
I pawned my watch to fetch a dollar
When cooks to the galley, bugle calls to me
I will think you at morning tea
Whilst I am in the galley maybe having fun
You will all be there having none
Doug.Birch
The Ancient Mariner
Greeting's Doug,
Well done mate, thanks for the Ancient Mariner. Any more please?
Baz.
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  #99  
Old 20-02-2009, 15:03
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gunnersmate gunnersmate is offline
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Greeting's Shipmates,
Here's another one for you.

OLD IRONSIDES
Aye, tear her tattered ensign down
long has it waved on high.
And many an eye has danced
to see that banner in the sky.
Beneath it rang the battle shout
and burst the cannons rear.
The meteor of the ocean air shall
sweep the clouds no more.

Her decks once red with hero's blood
where knelt the vanquished foe.
When winds were hurrying o'er the flood
and waves were white below.
No more shall feel the visitors tread
or know the conquered knee.
The harpies of the shore shall pluck
the eagle from the sea.

Oh better that her shattered hulk
should sink beneath the wave.
Her thunders shook the mighty deep
and there should be her grave.

Nail to the mast her holy flag
set every threadbare sail.
And give her to the God of storms
the lightning and the gale.

Oliver Wendell Holmes 1830.
Holmes dedicated this poem to the USS Constitution, known to all Americans as "Old Ironside". She is currently tied up alongside in the Navy Yard at Boston Mass, where I visited her on one occasion. She got her name from the fact that built of wood, from the near virgin forests of America. Her hull was so hard that enemy shot bounced off her giving the impression that she was "ironclad". Perhaps American folklore takes poetic licence.

Baz.
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  #100  
Old 20-02-2009, 19:46
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Default Re: Poems and Words from the Naval Man

Good evening Shipmates,
Here's another one for you.

JACK.
When I first joined the Navy as a young sailor lad
I got lots of advice from Mum and my Dad
Who had warned me so often of dangers to come
From bright painted girls and that old demon rum
But I later decided it would be rather wise
If I looked around for some other advice.

So whilst cruising around on King Neptune's Dominion
I was on the alert for a second opinion
Well, before very long I had made my own choice
'Twas an old three badge stoker with a gruff voice
Whom I thought I had known for quite long enough
I asked what was making his voice sound so gruff
And his answer came at me as quick as a wink
'It's the rum' he replied, it's the rum that I drink

Then I watched him demolish his two watered tot
And asked him what caused to swear such a lot
He answered as soon as his thoughts he had mastered
'Its the water, the water that they put in the B----d.

Supplied by Shipmate Steve Powers BEM.
Which he received from the ANZAC branch of his family.
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