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  #1  
Old 14-12-2016, 22:22
mstary1 mstary1 is offline
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Default My fiction novel is done but I need forum's help.

Hello everyone.

As I said in the Naval fiction thread, I started working on a naval fiction novel a while ago. I just finished the first draft and the long editing process begins.

I'm one of those 'What if' type of guys.
What if the Swordfish torpedo had not hit Bismarck's rudder?
What if the Oahu radar warning had been acted on at Pearl Harbour?
And my favourite, What if the High seas fleet had not been scuttled at Scapa Flow?

I've had the idea for a story many years ago, but constant sea postings and deployable shore postings meant I had no time to start. This year I posted into a non-deployable posting and I was able to thrash out the story onto paper.

I've asked a moderator if it is ok to ask for help (Thanks Jim).
I looking for some feedback on the story. On what I have got wrong, what doesn't make sense, that sort of thing. I think I have done my research well but we all make mistakes right? The story is 371 pages long and if you are interested in having a read, that would be great.

The story revolved around a newly promoted Sub-lieutenant named Arthur, who joins a destroyer just before the battle of Jutland and follows his career afterwards. The plot of the story is Three German Admirals come up with a plan not to send SMS Derfflinger to Scapa Flow. Ludwig Von Reuter, the Admiral who took the High Seas fleet to Scapa Flow. Hugo Meurer, Admiral in charge of the Baltic. The main ring leader is Wilhelm Souchon of SMS Goeben fame. Admiral Hipper is involved at the end as well. Derfflinger is hidden away and returns to fight in the Second World War. I've only done minimal editing so far.

I've seen altered images of Derfflinger to reflect what she might have looked like if she did fight in WW2 on the internet, so I'm not the only one who has though of it I suppose.

Send me a PM and we can work out e-mail addresses to send the manuscript. I just want to make sure the story makes sense and is worth reading. And what better place to get accurate feedback than this forum, which is the best source of naval knowledge bar none. Just a few members would do.
If I get a few volunteers, I would then post here that I have enough for the task at hand.

Thanks everyone and looking forward to hearing from you.

Mark.
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  #2  
Old 04-04-2017, 09:27
mstary1 mstary1 is offline
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Default Re: My fiction novel is done but I need forum's help.

Well she's been sent off to a few publishing houses over the last few days. Hoping that the naval fiction story is not totally dead in this day and age.

If you would like a read, I'm happy to e-mail the 2mb word doc to you.

Fingers crossed.
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Old 06-04-2017, 09:52
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Vegaskip Vegaskip is online now
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Default Re: My fiction novel is done but I need forum's help.

Hi Mark. I'm sorry I don't really have time to read your manuscript, but good luck with you publishes.
Jim
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Old 09-04-2017, 21:24
mstary1 mstary1 is offline
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Default Re: My fiction novel is done but I need forum's help.

Thanks Jim, all good mate. I have 3 readers at this time.

One is a ex RN LCDR who has been invaluable.
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