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  #3601  
Old 26-12-2017, 12:38
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Let us not forget the party season ..................

A nun gets into a cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.**
She asks him why he is staring.*
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."*
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."*
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."*
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."*
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"*
"OK" the nun says. "Pull in to the next alley."*
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.*
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.*
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"*
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."*
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party."

Edna
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  #3602  
Old 27-12-2017, 11:51
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

In preparation ?

A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"*
The barber looks around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.*
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"**
Again, the barber looks around at a shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.*
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.*
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."*
In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"*
"To your house!"

Edna
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  #3603  
Old 28-12-2017, 12:18
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

I wonder if everyone is sleeping off the after-effects of Christmas ? ! !

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash.
*
They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health, food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.
As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next, they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to.
They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?"*Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."
Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.
Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Edna
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  #3604  
Old 29-12-2017, 12:07
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Looking forward ..................

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently, I was asked by a funeral
director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no
family or friends, so the service was to be at a paupers cemetery in the
Nova Scotia back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical
man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone
and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I
felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was
already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out
my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like
I've never played before for this homeless man.

And, as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I
wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and
started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never
seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for
twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost . It's a man thing.

Edna
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  #3605  
Old 29-12-2017, 16:02
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limeybiker limeybiker is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

"So listen, Fred, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million.
I think she could be right."

Fred replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!
You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
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  #3606  
Old 30-12-2017, 11:52
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Thanks, Barry - I'm trying to find something really inspiring for the New Year but ..........................

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater.
*
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager.
The cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment, he had returned with the manager.
Together, the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your*name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied....... "The balcony."

Edna
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  #3607  
Old 30-12-2017, 11:56
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Something to look forward to ..........

SENIORS' COFFEE GROUP

A group of seniors was sitting around talking about all their ailments at Weatherspoon's.

"My arms have got so weak that I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; can't even see my coffee."

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you," said one elderly lady.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said one more, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed someone else.

"I forget where I am and where I'm going," said another one.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," mourned an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said a woman cheerfully.... "Thank goodness we can all still drive."

Edna
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  #3608  
Old 01-01-2018, 12:14
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

In the beginning ................

Joke: The First Profession...
A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions. Each one of them thought they had this in the bag.
*
The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the politician spoke up. "Yes yes, this is all well and true." he said.

"But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

Edna
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  #3609  
Old 02-01-2018, 12:24
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Our friend Goldberg..................

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up.*
*Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.*
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."*
Goldberg goes over to the dead man's apartment and knocks on the door. His wife answers through*the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a Poker game and is afraid to come home.*
"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.*
"No problem - I'll let him know," says Goldberg.
*
Edna
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  #3610  
Old 03-01-2018, 11:36
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Well, now, I really don't know ...............
New Treatment For Sunburn

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.
He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a ****** pill every four hours.*
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will ****** do for him, Doctor?"*
The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."

Edna
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  #3611  
Old 04-01-2018, 12:41
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Scots wha hae ................

Donald MacDonald from the Scottish Highlands, went to study Law at a renowned and austere English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.*
After he had been there a month, his old mother came to visit him.*
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.*
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people...*
...The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop...*
...The one on the other side screams and screams all night."*
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" She asked her son.
Donald replied enthusiastically:
"Mother, I do nothing. I simply ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

Edna
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  #3612  
Old 05-01-2018, 07:21
yzxy yzxy is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ednamay View Post
Scots wha hae ................

Donald MacDonald from the Scottish Highlands, went to study Law at a renowned and austere English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.*
After he had been there a month, his old mother came to visit him.*
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.*
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people...*
...The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop...*
...The one on the other side screams and screams all night."*
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" She asked her son.
Donald replied enthusiastically:
"Mother, I do nothing. I simply ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

Edna
Reminds me of the definition of a gentleman -- Someone who knows how play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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  #3613  
Old 05-01-2018, 12:14
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Thank you, yzxy, happy new year -- now turn your attention to this one ..........

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.*
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "OOh dad, there's one."**
"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to feed the dogs. We'll just wait."*
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat woman. The son said, "Hey dad, she's plenty big enough."*
"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."*
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."*
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."*
"Why not?" asked the son.*
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

Edna
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  #3614  
Old 05-01-2018, 12:59
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jbryce1437 jbryce1437 is online now
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Default Re: Funnies??

Jeremy Corbyn was visiting a Northern Ireland primary school and the class
was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr Corbyn if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So, our labour leader asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'.
A little boy stood up and offered:
'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'
'Incorrect,' said Corbyn. 'That would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand:
'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing
everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not', explained Corbyn, 'that's what we would refer to as a great loss'.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Corbyn searched the room.
'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said:
'If a plane carrying you and Diana Abbott was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic' exclaimed Corbyn, 'and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Well', said Johnny, 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a f-----g accident either !!
__________________
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  #3615  
Old 06-01-2018, 13:06
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Thank you Jim, I really appreciate that !

Now a couple of "believe it if you dare!"

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edna
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  #3616  
Old 09-01-2018, 12:45
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

This one from a friend in the States ...................

Things aren’t always what they seem!

Ron is a 67 year old man from Arizona who would ride his bicycle to his brother’s house every weekend. It usually took him 2 hours, and he always made it by there by 2 PM.

One day he was feeling especially frisky, and decided he’d try to make the ride in just 1 hour. With a determined grin, he put on his helmet and started pedaling.

30 minutes later, he collapsed from exhaustion while going up a hill. While sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride.

Ron looks at his watch and sees that he would be late otherwise, but there is already a passenger in the car.

Ron says, “Thanks for the offer, but how am I supposed to get a ride if there’s no seat left in the car?”

“No problem,” says the man in the Corvette, “I’ve got a rope in the back. We’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride. It’ll be a bit windy for you but I’m sure we can make it work.”

Ron thinks that this doesn’t exactly sound safe, but he doesn’t want to be late, so he agrees to the solution.

They take off and the driver yells back, “Just yell ‘beep beep’ if I’m going too fast.”

Ron gives a thumbs up and off they go.

For the first 5 miles, everything goes fine. Suddenly, a Ferrari blows past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette takes off to race him, pedal to the metal.

A short distance down the road, both of the cars – by now going well over 120 mph – blow past a police speed trap.

With wide eyes, the police officer notes the speeds from his radar gun and radios his colleagues.

“Hey guys, the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Corvette just blew past me at over 120 mph on Main Street.”

“What’s so weird about that?” asks the other cop.

The cop replies, “There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming ‘BEEP BEEP’ and trying to pass!”

Well I hope he made it with good time!

Edna
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  #3617  
Old 10-01-2018, 12:47
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

What about one for the ladies ?

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.*
*
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!*

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.*

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''*

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.*

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."*

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear......I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.''*

Edna
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  #3618  
Old 11-01-2018, 12:24
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Back to nature ? ?

. A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.

The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”

Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’ll be worth it. So he buys Randy.

The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard first, giving the rooster a pep talk. “Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, and when the farmer points toward the henhouse, he takes off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse — three or four times. The farmer is shocked.

Later, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, and sure enough, Randy is in there.

Later still, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again — WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset, Randy is out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.

The farmer is distraught — worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob — stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful — and expensive — animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”

Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhh. They’re getting closer.”

Edna
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  #3619  
Old 11-01-2018, 20:40
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jbryce1437 jbryce1437 is online now
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One day, while an old Sailor was cutting the branch off a tree high above a river, his axe fell into the water. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The Sailor replied that his axe had fallen into water, and he needed the axe to supplement his meager pension.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The Sailor replied, "No".
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your Axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, he replied, "No Lord."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your Axe?" the Lord asked. The Sailor replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with his honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and he went home happy.
Sometime later the Sailor was walking with his wife along the river bank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Aniston. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked."Yup that's her," cried the Sailor.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The Sailor replied, "Oh, forgive me Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Aniston, You would have come up with Cameron Diaz. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my woman. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. And Lord, I am an old man not able to take care of all three women in a way that they deserve, that's why I said yes to Jennifer Aniston."
And God was pleased.


The moral of this story is: Whenever a Sailor lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and only for the benefit of others!
__________________
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  #3620  
Old 12-01-2018, 15:48
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

Jim, thank you, I am still chuckling.

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school.
*
He decided to come back to Jamaica because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office in New Kingston.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on this potential client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay, tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled off instructions.
Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from Cable & Wireless, the telephone company, I come to hook up your phone."

Edna
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  #3621  
Old 13-01-2018, 08:25
yzxy yzxy is offline
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Default Re: Funnies??

At this time of year I always think back to when I was very young. Not long after I started school I was given a hamster as a pet. I called him ‘Danny’ or ‘Dan’ as he became known.

He was a wonderful pet for me, very affectionate and I loved seeing Dan as soon as I came home from school. One day I came home and Dan was very poorly. He carried on for a while but at five years old or more he was an old hamster. He passed away and I was very upset and my father buried him in the garden.

As Dan died in the autumn my father suggested he plant some tulip bulbs above the little grave.

A lovely idea.

And so it was that every spring we would admire the tulip bulbs growing in the garden and we would all gather round and sing: “Tulips from hamster Dan”.
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  #3622  
Old 13-01-2018, 11:36
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: On the outskirts of Sandown, Isle of Wight
Posts: 1,991
Default Re: Funnies??

Oh, yzxy, how could you ! ! Now I won't be able to forget it !

Now, some more perishing puns ..........

Puns are the lowest form of humour! And unfortunately these are mostly puns!

What do you get from sitting on the snow too long? Polaroids!
What's an ig? A snow house without a loo!
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce? Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
What do snowmen eat for lunch ? Icebergers.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? Snow and Tell.

Edna
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  #3623  
Old 15-01-2018, 12:13
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: On the outskirts of Sandown, Isle of Wight
Posts: 1,991
Default Re: Funnies??

Just a few more puns to celebrate the new year ..

If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for? Snowbows.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what's the worst thing about global warming? No privacy!
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together? A receding hare line.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet? Don't go around BRRfooted!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? Owlgebra.
How do you know if there's a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet!
What is the difference between a snowboard instructor and a snowboard student? 3 days.
Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A meltdown!
What is a snowman's favorite game? Ice Spy with my little eye...

Edna
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  #3624  
Old 15-01-2018, 21:47
yzxy yzxy is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 4
Default Re: Funnies??

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive casement type with shutters. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo? ............ Just because I have fair hair doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helloooo? ..……… It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

He never called back.

I bet he felt like an idiot.
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  #3625  
Old 16-01-2018, 12:46
Ednamay Ednamay is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: On the outskirts of Sandown, Isle of Wight
Posts: 1,991
Default Re: Funnies??

Thank you, yzxy, I love it - if only ! !

A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?"
The barman replies, "It's a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night."
"Great!" says the man, "but what if I can't reach them?"
"Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night," the barman answers.
"Do you want to try?"
"No, but thanks anyway."
"Why not?", asks the barman.
"The steaks are too high."

Edna
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